Hilarious Must Read! "Wallbanger" by Alice Clayton

Once upon a Time, at a Holiday Inn....or maybe a Best Western....(never mind those details, it was a hotel) was an exhausted family of four.
In the usual boring, standard room slept the pastor father, an innocent mother, a 15 year old sister and an 18 year old ME!!!!
(I can tell you are engrossed in this story already!)
We were traveling out west to a family reunion and after a long day of driving through Ontario, we pulled into a hotel for a well deserved rest.
Unfortunately, we were given a room next to people who wanted to rattle the walls all night long. They were screaming and moaning incessantly. Ugh.
Hindsight, I'm pretty sure it was Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele come to life, but we will never know.
Now, as you can imagine....my mother was shocked, but trying to keep her cool with a pillow shoved over her head. My dad was annoyed but tried to sleep none-the-less. My sister couldn't stop giggling and than there was me......sweet, innocent, lil ol' me........*enter angelic smile here*
At first I thought it was pretty funny but after awhile it was far too annoying. Even after I put my walkman on, I could still hear the banging!! (Walkman's are prehistoric iPods just in case any of you are confused)
My parents didn't want to say anything to the front desk, so as usual, I decided to be my family's saving grace.
I started jumping up and down on my bed and smacking the wall behind me yelling through it.
"OH YEAH, that's the stuff....."
"Could you people BE any louder?"
"HEY, PASTOR TRYING TO SLEEP! TAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM! WHILE HE PRAYS FOR YOUR SOUL!!"
"YOU'RE KINKY! IS THIS A PORN SHOOT?"
"DO YOU THINK YOU'LL GET PREGNANT???"
"WHAT IF THE CONDOM BREAKS??"

Yeah, I got reamed out by my parents, but guess what?

 It stopped.


Best Selling Novel "Wallbanger" by Alice Clayton (author of the Redhead Series) is another book that has been on my radar for awhile now. Since I am still down and out from whatever devil virus I picked up, I decided to treat myself to another novel. (Two new books in one week....I am such a rebel...spendthrift...book addict....)
Considering I have my own Wallbanger story to tell, reading a novel on the topic was a must!

I do not even know where to begin when describing this novel. It's so bloody hilarious, I wasn't even a few chapters in when I felt compelled to tweet this to the world:

Follow Me On Twitter! Say HI! I'll follow back!

This is a novel that I may end up buying a copy as a gift for my lil innocent mother to read. I think she would truly get a kick out of it!
Hands down Wallbanger is one of the most entertaining, laugh out loud books that I have read in a long time. I think it just shot to my number one favorite read of the year to date!
The witty banter, sarcastic narrative, clever jokes, sexual innuendos, humorous situations......Reading this book was like what it's like hanging out with my best friends, over glasses of wine, playing Malarky!! SO FUNNY!!
I honestly can't even nitpick, because I don't think there was anything in the book I didn't like. It was refreshing!

I personally thought this novel was so enjoyable that if you don't like it, may I be so bold to suggest you are dead inside? (Dead inside I say!)
I kid, we all have our unique tastes. but honestly if you don't even chuckle reading this, seek help! ;)

A quick run down now that I have done my over-enthusiastic 'must read' rant.

Caroline is hysterical. She's a bit like me. Always having to crack a joke, can be a teensy bit dramatic, loud.....a character after my own heart! She's on a bit of a dating hiatus after a terrible one night stand robbed her of any chance of getting to O-Town (and I am not talking Orlando Florida or the music group who sang Liquid Dreams) The fact that Wallbangers antics continuously rub it in her face that she's missing something in her life AND she is losing sleep makes Caroline grumpy to say the least.
Simon (aka Wallbanger) is her annoying neighbor who has a line up of woman on the go. (Pretty sure I met him once) Naturally he has to be the hottest guy she has ever laid eyes on, but it is hate at first bang on the wall. When she discovers he has some nicknames of his own for her....all hell breaks loose, and it's fantastic!

This story is told a few different ways. The majority of the story is told in Caroline's point of view....than as the story progresses, these hilarious chapters with text messaging between Caroline, Simon and other characters we meet in the novel (her best friends Mimi and Sophia and his friends Ryan and Neil) ....It's an entertaining way to have the time in the story pass! We also are treated to getting inside the heads of the characters during one extremely tense car ride. I really enjoyed those extra elements to the telling of the story and I loved being able to tap into what the other characters were thinking. (If only it was that easy in real life!)

Now I am totally hooked! Wallbanger is book one of The Cocktail Series and now I am overly excited to add these books, and her Bad Redhead series to my ever growing collection!

Five Stars.
Round of applause and some catcalls for author Alice Clayton!

Book Description:

The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she’s gaining an—um—intimate knowledge of her new neighbor’s nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy’s athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed “dating hiatus,” and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly. . . .

In a delicious mix of silly and steamy, Alice Clayton dishes out a hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight...

This is a novel that I WILL be reading over and over again!!!!

Book Two: "Rusty Nailed" releases on June 24th 2014 and is currently up for pre-order on Kobo and Amazon. I am so excited as Caroline and Simon's story continues in this highly anticipated novel!

Book Three: "Screwdrivered" releases on September 2, 2014 and is also up for pre-order. The third book in the Cocktail Series has us meeting new characters and more hilarious antics and Oh My God I can't wait!

You know I will have those reviews for you when I can!!!

Follow Author Alice Clayton on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/AuthorAliceClayton
Visit her Website For More Information: http://aliceclayton.com

Now GO!
SCOOT!!!
BUY IT, READ IT, PEE YOUR PANTS!!


Happy Reading!!

Blackbrooke Book 1 ~ by Emma Silver

"DROP WHAT YOU ARE READING because 'Holy Crap On a Cracker' have I got a book for you!!!!"

                                     Blackbrooke by Emma Silver!

How did I stumble upon this gem? I saw a request for reviewers needed on Twitter (Gimme a follow and say Hello! @ReenieDiva)  over a month ago, liked the concept and I thought I would give it a go!
Thanks to my 'whiny woman' cold, I have had lots of time to read this week!!

My full review is below... but I am SO excited about this trilogy I have to scream again!

"OMG!!! Move the hell over Twilight.....Sit down Anne Rice....Young Adult and Horror has been taken over!! Blackbrooke in da' HOUSE!!!!"
*booty shake annnnnd booty shake* (I am excited, Can't you tell??)

 Here is the book description from Amazon.com:

 “I live in Blackbrooke and you would have had to be living under a rock to never have heard of it before now. This town is different to most others…Humans aren’t the only residents…”

The residents of Blackbrooke share their town with the Creatures, or Crits as they are known. Grotesque, roaming the streets at night looking for food, their presence means humans have to live by the Rules, keeping them indoors and forbidding them of basic desires.

The most important Rule?

Don’t be a ‘walk out’!

Straight-A student, Liberty Connor, hates the Crits and the endless Rules she and her tight knit group of friends have to live by.

Planning her new life on the Outside with her boyfriend, Gabriel, Liberty whiles away her days waiting to turn 18, so they can leave and be free. That is, until the world she thinks she knows begins to unravel…

Her friends start to walk out. So she’s told. However, something’s not right. Things don’t add up.

Liberty faces a race against time to discover what’s going on with the Creatures of Blackbrooke.

Is it them she has to fear, or something much closer to home?

My Take:

Seriously. Page One. 'The Rules' They will have you hooked wanting to know more!
Thoughts I had: Why are these rules so important to living in this town? Why can't you return if you leave? What's going to happen damnit?!!!

The 411 on Blackbrooke: It's a town nestled in the woods somewhere in England. (Kinda like 'The Village' by M.Night Shyamalan, but tourists come into this place!) where mythical and deadly creatures have a 'deal' with the town. You MUST follow the rules or face certain death.
There is layer upon layer of conspiracy and mystery surrounding everything. People go missing, blamed on 'Walkouts'.... which is basically suicide by Crits... the name of the frightening creatures. These things are horribly terrifying and deadly.

The story takes place in modern times, but with dated and strange rules ( For Example: You must wear your hair up in a bun at all times) 

I couldn't live there, never mind the creatures, they don't allow hair dye. (Unacceptable!)

 Characters:

Liberty Connor is the main character in the book. A 17 year old girl who's obsessed with obeying 'the rules' as well as having a keen interest in the town's unusual history. She and her boyfriend Gabriel dream of one day leaving to travel the world. One of the rules is though, once you leave Blackbrooke, you are not allowed back in. EVER.
Suddenly her world is torn apart and she starts unraveling a terrifying mystery. Secrets are revealed. She doesn't know who she can trust. It's up to Liberty and her band of misfits to stand up to Mr. Jones (not to mention the Crits) to try to save lives.. including her own.

Cassius Godwin is Liberty's childhood friend. Due to a 'skin condition', he is considered awkward and is constantly picked on. The two friends are thrown back together after tragedy strikes. Together they work to figure out what is going on.

Noah Hartmann, best friend to Lib's boyfriend Gabriel, and boyfriend to Lib's best friend Gemma. Consider them 'friends by default'. He's a bit of an ass, but as we learn his heart is in the right place.

Denzil Rathbone is hilarious. He's a 38 year old shop owner who Liberty works for. He's a man who loves his weed. He takes the kids in to help them when they have no other place to go. His character had me laughing. One of my favorite lines in the novel revolve around him. (Hint: It has to do with Noah's name)

The Crits: Ugly beasts with a structured hierarchy. The Watchers, The Lurkers, The Hunters and The Queens.

The writing is excellent. The author really packs a good'ol written punch. The kind that sends you sailing into Blackbrooke, completely immersing you in the novel. 

I do not want to spoil any part of this book for you, so I am not going to say any more than I have already shared. All you need to know is Book One ends with a cliffhanger and hooooooly hell do I want more. Like, right now. I mean it. Don't keep me waiting Ms. Silver!!!!!
(.... June 7th 2013 is the confirmed release date of Blackbrooke II, The Guardian!)

A little hint of what is to come...Author Emma Silver tells me this!
"The story picks up where we left off and if I were to describe it in one word, it'd be 'relentless'! There are new characters you'll meet as well as the familiar faces..."

This may be a young adult read, but it is most certainly one that even those of us further from 'youth' can read and enjoy.
Just because this novel is listed as a 'Horror' and that is not your preferred genre.... DO NOT let that label scare you off. I'm not going to classify it as  'freezer book' that will scare the $#@! out of you to the point you can't sleep.(I don't scare THAT easily) but it will give you the heebie jeebies... To me, Blackbrooke is an 'I want more' 'On the edge of your seat' mesmerizing creepy adventure that will leave you wanting more. It is just the right amount of horror... and the story is still building! What awaits us in Book II???  
I really can't stress that enough. It's truly a novel that will get under your skin.
Female or Male, you can read this book and enjoy it.

Never mind that I have it on my Kobo, I'm going to grab this one in paperback for my library too. 

Five Freakin' Stars!!
FIVE.
One two three four FIVE.
(I may just throw in a sixth for good measure)

Read it.

For the love of God... just read it.

I'm HOOKED!

Enough said.

Happy Reading!

Blackbrooke for Kindle

Blackbrooke in Paperback